Friday, January 25, 2008

No offense, but...

I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything, but your essay writing skills need a little work.

I’m not trying to be an asshole here, but could you move your car a couple of feet forward so I can get out?

Sorry; I hate to be rude, but I don’t like your fake tan.

Not to ruffle feathers or anything, but please never sing again.

I don’t mean to be a dick, but can you get the fuck out of my party, faggot?

I’m sorry if I’m coming across as a smidgeon disrespectful, but the bombs will land on your capital in 24 hours.

No offense, but I only smashed your glasses because I thought you were ripping us off of our coke.

I don’t mean to rock the boat here, but this coke is actually crack. That’s not exactly what we were looking for.

I’m not trying to offend anyone here, but I’ve always believed that I was secretly better than all of you.

I don’t mean to undermine the general consensus of American tastemakers, but Little Miss Sunshine was a weak ass movie.

I don’t mean to crush your hopes or anything, but you’re gonna lose this election...Guaranteed.

Sorry if I hurt you when I cut off all communications with you for no reason at all. I guess if I were in your shoes, I would be a little upset...I guess.

I don’t mean to piss on Dylan Thomas’ grave or anything, but here I am, urinating.

3 comments:

Scott said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ryan said...

The story about the smashed sunglasses might have to be told someday.

pukie said...

I know it!