The boss is out of town....time for a clip show

Scott sent us an email last week, declaring:

THE TWEENER ANNOUNCES STAR POSTER OF THE WEEK: Scott.

What a fucking bastard. But seriously, I must admit that he's done a fairly decent job keeping me entertained for about 1.5 minutes/day with his little tweener (that's what she said lololol). My favorite moments:

1. Dealers where R U?
This isn't even one of Scott's posts, but whatever. This entry meant a lot to me for two reasons. First, the notion of stooping to the lowest lows for a dimebag is one all of us scumbags in the world can relate to. And second, the mention of "Watch Out For the Big Girl," which is one of the greatest Baltimore club hits of all time and always makes me want to go out and gain 100 pounds.

2. Marijuana Bust: Ways of Combating the Anxiety High
I found it really helpful to print this post, laminate it and carry it in my wallet at all times. So whenever I find myself "too high" I can whip out this easy reference and determine my next course of action. I'll go ahead and add "making out" and "public transportation" to the list of activities to avoid.

3. The Tweener takes on the "news"
I think I liked this one so much because it made me feel much better about myself. Sort of like watching Intervention or reading Dear Abby. So what if I'm "blowing a 47 year old" for a "bowlpack"? (see #1) At least I'm not a liar and a fraud. Edit: At least I'm not a fraud.

4. This roach infestation kind of reminds me of GangStarr, Pt. 2
Wtf?! was my first thought, but he really managed to pull it all together by the end there. I imagine Scott found himself amusing with the As for Guru, his solo career reminds me of the roaches in my room. Sure, they can survive on food crumbs and jazzamatazz albums, but as soon as my cat runs into the room (Rakim anyone?), they scatter away OUT OF RESPECT final thought.

5. Out of nowhere, a dating advice post
I'll be honest, I didn't even finish reading this one. As soon as I got to "dick-flavored ice cream" I immediately got in the car and raced to 7-11.