Whole Foods

Ahhh, organic food. The wave of the future. No pesticides, no preservatives, no South American Juntas.

Too bad it tastes terrible.

Excuse me; the Whole Foods hot bar tastes terrible. You see, I’m a big fan of wasting money, and nothing is bigger waste than a ¼ pound of black cherry chicken from the hot bar. I’ve realized, therefore, that everything from Whole Foods must’ve been sprayed by a gigantic can of bland. The lasagna tastes the same as the lamb curry. The hot wings taste the same as the potato latkes. The Chicken Kiev tastes like regular Kiev.

Is this our future? Is everything we eat going to taste like it was sprayed by the Whole Foods bland can? And is it going to cost 113 dollars for a serving of macoroni and cheese?

I mean, come’on. Inflation? High interests rates? Wage stagnation?

Fuck that, everyone is just eating at Whole Foods.

I’ll take the pesticides and certain death, please.