Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Temple University: Stunning Observations

Today, I am at Temple University. The history of Temple University is well known: Some 60-70 years ago, a cadre of intelligent Jews in Philly started their own university to circumvent UPenn's newly-formed height and general "football physique" requirements. At present day, Temple is a successful public university with several nationally respected departments and an elite 8 basketball program; albeit six years ago. Meanwhile, everyone from Penn is still superior.

I had shocking observations while walking through campus today:

People are here are attractive

About four out of every ten. This was very surprising, because it generally common knowledge that attractive people only go to Ivy League schools, Kenyon, and Oberlin, or anywhere in the NESCAC conference.

If you are the attractive person's less-intelligent sibling, there's always Centennial Conference, But never Temple or any communist public school.

So, I learned an eye-opening lesson today: You can be a mediocre student, or simply have less money to go to a private school, and still be attractive. Overall, I think it's good that less wealthy people can experience the pleasures of attractiveness. Although they probably still won't have the same status in life as people in those elite schools, which is to be frowned upon, I think it's cute that these people go about putting on clothes and washing their hair everyday in hopes of doing something.

It's very diverse here

There's that pesky communism again. All over campus, there are gangstas, terrorists, and asians. This is what happens when you let the state takeover and give more people a chance for education. Next thing you know, the liberal media, in collaboration with big government, is going to employ all of these people in a 24/7 communist propaganda news station that's going to be plastered on every TV. It will teach you revisionist history, like how black jazz musicians wore suits, General McCarthur DIDN'T successfully drop four atomic bombs on China during the Korean War, and how soccer wasn't invented by Karl Marx.

It order to fight back, I announce that we start our own WHITE cultural channel. What's that? A channel celebrating Woody Guthrie, Saul Bellow, Norman Mailer, Schoenenberg, Appalachian Folk, Bill Evans, Guided By Voices, William Burroughs and others?

NO, those guys were all communists or jews. The WHITE cultural channel will primarily concern the history of defense contractors in Northern Virginia and the condos they live in.

There are many lunch carts here, and one bee

Motherfucking bee swirling around my motherfucking gyro. I thought the bees were extinct? See, this is the result of eating Greek communist food. I'm allergic to bees, and speaking of which, what is the deal with people saying, "don't aggravate it, it'll sting you"?. What the fuck am I supposed to do then, let it sit on my lunch and do nothing? If try to grab my sandwich, won't that be "aggravating" it to? What exactly is aggravation for a bee anyway!? Swating at it? watching too much sports? Playing the Lox after 11 PM? Typical liberal inaction in the face of the insect menace


Lindsay said...

Attractive people go to Oberlin?

pukie said...

No they don't...they used to but not really anymore. Perhaps you could substitute Miami or Denison University.