Friday, October 5, 2007

5 Professions for The Tweener Part 2

We are covering 3-5.

3. Librarians

Over the second half of the 20th century, librarians were a bit like Dustin Hoffman in the first hour and a half of Straw Dogs: Nebbish, snotty, introverted, and completely unequipped (microfilm anyone?) to handle the gaggle of philistine thugs threatening their home and family.

Over the last decade, however, librarians have become Dustin Hoffman in the last half-hour of Straw Dogs: An armed, resourceful killing machine; taking on any thug who invades the home with a combination of wits and a bear-trap. How do both the librarian and Dustin Hoffman find themselves in this predicament? For providing refuge to the town retard that everyone wants to kill. In this case, the librarian/Hoffman stands their ground, only occasionally interrupting their killing spree to go upstairs and slap the retard for making too much noise.

4. Journalists

An ideal fit. You go and report on people from different backgrounds, write stories about them, and if they don't let you in their inner circle, you can trash them in print...Pretty much a tweener defined.

5. Bartender

"Coughlin's law: Don't bother looking up my IMDB page, mate."

Who doesn't dream of a night of making drinks for snobby Upper East Side patrons, reciting shitty poems, and then going home with Gina Gershon? Indeed, the bartender is the "aristocrat of the working class". For Philadelphians, this is the best job to have when you have an artistic side hustle like a band, because you'll have more daylight hours to practice, and besides, saying "I'm a tax accessor when I'm not playing bass in The Teeth" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Also, you won't be too hipster by being a bartender, as you actually have to communicate with people who aren't like you. You won't communicate with me, though. Just give me my Dewars on the rocks and let me stare at the fucking counter.


Lindsay said...

Oh Scott, the last sentence of this entry made me miss you.

Thanks for not mentioning that librarians are now "hip" and "cool" like the Times did a couple months ago. A job that involves slapping retards around is much more appealing.

Brandon said...

dewars on the rocks is probably the only thing that gets me thru the really.