Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Job Opportunities at The Tweener

Contributing Writers

Are you tired of working in big media? Do you have an Ivy League Degree? Are you one those "connectors" from Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point- someone knows everyone and everything - who can look down on other people?

We believe we have a position for you. The Tweener - the premier upstart cultural blog in Philadelphia - is looking to hire a few talented writers to accommodate their growing readership of 10, and sometimes on a good day, 15, readers. We want comedic writers, and our studies have shown that all good comedy comes from the Ivy League.

For this position, we are looking for the following:

-An Ivy League degree
-This Ivy League degree must be from Harvard
-New York address preferable
-5"9" an absolute minimum
-5-7 years experience in blogging or publishing

This is an unpaid internship with a weekly stipend of Campbell's Soup (non-chunky).

To apply for this position, DO NOT send us a resume. Just e-mail us telling us how awesome you are, a few key namedrops, a link to your blog, and a brief sentence telling us that you went to Harvard.

Phone calls are not ok.

Map Builder Associate

Are you a web designer at a creative marketing firm? Are you fat? Do you find the life being sucked out of you? Has your CEO been murdered?

The Tweener- the premier googlemap-based cityguide blog in Philadelphia- can't build a fucking map. There must be compatibility issues that we expect you to solve.

To qualify for this position, you must have the following abilities:

-Be able to go to http://www.mapbuilder.net/
-Sign in with the username "gozer25" and password "trane1"
-Click on "source code" and insert the Google API code that I will send to you.
-Past source code onto blog post
-Tell us why it isn't working
-then fix it.

This is a 1 hour position that will pay you a free bowl pack.

To apply for this position, please send us a resume, cover letter, and portfolio over the phone. Carrier pigeon also accepted

Please: NO emails about this job!

Parking Ticket Coordinator

Are you desperate for a job?!?

The Tweener - the premier subsidized-by-parents blog about making it on your own in the city - has a shitload of parking tickets. We need them to be paid before Dad makes good on his 23 threats to stop paying the lease.

To apply for this position, send me a check for 500 dollars and wait to hear from us.

5 comments:

Brandon said...

i'll only work for chunky soup...that's cold and eaten directly out of the can when i'm wasted. who the hell am i kidding i never went to harvard. but i did walk near the campus once...its like being touched by an angel.

Lindsay said...

As one of the dedicated 10, sometimes 15, readers of this blog, I was really excited about the prospect of an unpaid internship. As always, I fall short of the requirements.

-No Ivy league degree (I touch ivy leaguers daily at Columbia, but who am I kidding- it's not Harvard)
-5'8" (but with the right shoes I can be over 5'9")
-Brooklyn address (I am thinking of moving to Harlem in a year, which would be NYC proper)
-1.5 years experience of commenting on other people's blogs (not interesting enough to write my own blog)

Let me know if you lower your standards.

Brandon said...

are you really thinking of moving to harlem? why?

Lindsay said...

Yeah. I've been to friends' places in Harlem that are nice and cost as much as I pay now. Instead of commuting an hour I could commute for 10 minutes or walk to work. I'd be sad to leave Brooklyn, though.

Also, I will make it out to Bed Stuy to see your place soon. Also, what are you doing for Halloween?

I'm so glad we can use Scott's blog as a way to update each other about our lives. Thanks Scott.

Scott said...

The Tweener: The #1 Brooklyn social network!