Monday, October 1, 2007

"Bikeover Country"

^Not England^

Every once in a while, the Tweener staff takes off their worn Charlie Parker t-shirts, throws on a relatively unused Lacoste polo, and says, "let's mix it up with the frat boys and the fake tans!"

For the average young Philadelphian with a soul, the area of the city North of Pine, South of Spring Garden, West of 4th, and East of 16th is "bikeover country" between South Philly and Northern Fishmond. Well; last saturday night, we went straight into middle Philadelphia to give you the REAL scope on what the Manayunkians and Jersey fools are doing while you're somewhere getting busy wearing glasses (regular ones this time).

The verdict? Uhh...Let's see: McGillian's smelled like vomit, the girls were hot but ditzy, I think...Then we went to Fado, and it was really dark and we were sure it would take an hour to get a drink, so we left. I think one, possibly twelve dudes were wearing phillies hats. We also went into some lounge bar near McGillin's and walked in a circle before leaving.

I would say I would give you a more comprehensive guide, but seriously; no fucking chance*. You've seen one frat boy bar, you've seen em' all**, and that's not neccesarily an insult. Just remember that if you are a guy on the prowl, observe the following rules:

WASP girls: More approachable, less talkable
Hipster girls: Less approachable, more talkable

*There's actually a considerable chance.

**I had a big paper to write.

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