Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A Tweener Workout Regimen: Iron Works II

How does a tweener handle physical fitness?

Over the course of a year, a tweener will go to the gym three times a week for three consecutive months and haphazardly run a few miles and do a couple of bicep curls.

At some point, however, this person will miss two workouts in row and say, "fuck it, I'm already out of shape again" and not return to the gym for another 9 months.

People say, "write about what you know". I know the above scenario because it happened in a book I read. It was definitely The Sun Also Rises.

I've got a gym membership at Iron Works II at Northern Liberties. I don't live near Northern Liberties anymore, so I don't go to Iron Works. Nevertheless, I'm still being charged monthly membership fees.

I need to go there to cancel my membership, but I just haven't gotten around to it.

So hahaha, you want to talk about people being too lazy to go to the gym? That ain't shit, I'm too lazy to go to the gym to cancel my fucking membership!

Luckily, it's been said that Iron Works cancels the membership of people who complain about them online.

So, Iron Works II, even though I think you guys are merely providing a mediocre gym, I'll change it to "slightly below average" so you can cancel me.

Not good enough? Fine; you are also providing a haven for thugs and drug dealers from North Philly to work out and harrass the customers, apparently.

Still keeping my membership? Well, you just asked for the hammer to be dropped:

I've heard rumors that there are constant leaks in the ceiling. This is unacceptable even though I haven't seen it and probably wouldn't care if I did.

So go ahead and cancel me, BITCH. Don't even think about overcharging me, which is something I've also heard you do but I can in no way verify. My brother's about to be a lawyer, and he's spent a shitload time in a gym over the years.

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